How Not to Do Things

BUY ME. Now.

“Here Susan pokes though assorted snafus, breakdowns, and fractious circumstances. While that may not always lead to better outcomes, it has been a rich source of humorous anecdotes, which is certainly a positive and uplifting way to interact with fellow humans. If you, like me, respond to the sentence, ‘The loudest guitar player in the world brought a toilet over the next day,’ with, ‘Please do tell me more!’ then you are holding the absolute right book in your hands.”
David Greenberger, author of The Duplex Planet

“In one of her essays, Susan asks, ‘if Oprah can get my sister to eat flax seed meal, why are we not using her on some super secret diplomatic mission?’ and it made me think that if we’re going to send anyone out on a stealth mission to save the world I’d rather it be Susan Blood. She’s that smart, that funny, that warm and compassionate. She’d have North Korea waving rainbow flags and singing ‘We Are the World, We Are the Children,’ in seconds. Hilarious, humane, as witty as she is wise and weird, Susan Blood is bloody brilliant!
Stephen Russell, voice actor and playwright

“In a world overrun with photoshopped selfies and inflated egos, who doesn’t need to hear an authentic, charming voice like Susan Blood’s?  How Not to Do Things lovingly chronicles a Cape Cod wash-ashore’s uncanny ability to navigate the road less traveled, and in the process offers a much needed reminder that it’s perfectly fine to be imperfect, as long as you’re being yourself.  A funny, touching, enlarging collection.
Brenda Withers, playwright of Matt & Ben, The Ding Dongs, and String Around My Finger

“Take an issue of Dwell and smash it together with a copy of The Old Farmer’s Almanac and a Roz Chast cartoon and you have Susan Blood’s hilarious and very real take on the thinking human’s condition. How Not to Do Things examines and describes the life we are all trying to live and not screw up too badly — from parenting and partnering to aging parents and illness to trying on bathing suits and hauling boat anchors around, Susan lets us all off the hook. You’ll see your own story here — and laugh out loud. What a relief — and I thought I was the only woman whose husband bought her a vacuum for Christmas. Grab a bag of cheesypuffydoodles and a box of wine and enjoy every word.”
Christine Rathbun Ernst, creator of The Fat Ass Cancer Bitch

“With unintentional precision, Susan Blood masterfully weaves our natural desire to lead perfect lives with the folly and frivolity that is our imperfect life.  How Not to Do Things is an ‘I-totally-get-that!’ manual for every household – whether you’re a raging pacifist or a someone in need of their own bathroom.  How Not to Do Things perfectly exposes the well-traveled road of imperfection that all of us fight so hard to avoid, and yet, in the end, are so grateful for the chance to embrace.”
Troy Smith, author of Nirvana: The Chosen Rejects

“Blood, a well-known and well-loved local blogger and freelance writer for area papers and magazines (including this one on occasion) is known to readers for her sharp wit that is often so dry it could be called parched. Her humor is quiet and intelligent, and when reading one of her pieces one is often lulled into a sense of contentment and ease until a sly little voice whispers in your ear….wait for it! With a deft turn of phrase or double entendre, the whole story takes a shift and you may find yourself snorting with laughter in unseemly ways.”
Mary Richmond, Barnstable Patriot

Press release